From a reader – Merrie Beth:
I wanted to comment on a small thing you mentioned in this post. The thing you said about your husband not answering in 30 seconds and the differences between us is such a huge thing that women don’t get.
There’s a guy, Mark Gunfor, that does a comedy bit (it’s on YouTube) about men having boxes in their brains and us having wires. It’s not unlike the book “Men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti”. Men totally compartmentalize. Mark says they have boxes (including a nothing box) and none of their boxes can touch whereas all of our wires are touching constantly and we have no “nothing wire” (he doesn’t say that about the nothing wire but it’s true .
Anyway, I had the same problem as you where silence from my husband caused me to either solve the problem myself or have a fit. I didn’t realize that he has to process things (differently). And sometimes he will NEVER actually talk about the thing I’ve brought up. He will just consider what I said and change something.
So here’s how I look at it now – when you ask your husband a question or tell him something, he has to tidy up the box he’s in, put the lid on it, put it back so that it’s not touching any other box, get out the box that’s labeled with the one subject you brought up, take off the lid, take out the supplies and figure out what he thinks about it. This isn’t meant to make men seem “simple-minded” and many can certainly multi task. But it’s truly how most of their brains are wired and we are asking them to respond like we do. If you about the boxes, you will see a difference in how he (eventually) responds. The trick is to keep your big mouth shut until he’s rearranged the boxes!