What do you do when you have rushed ahead of your man and blurted out something about the future of the relationship and he suddenly balks and hits “reverse”?

If you were the first to bring up:

  • going on a date
  • being exclusive
  • the words “I love you”
  • marriage
  • having children
  • asking for an engagement ring
  • asking him to marry you

How can you fix it if you see him panicking and desperately trying to back pedal now?

Well, here are some ideas to prayerfully consider…

  • Back off (physically, emotionally and spiritually).  Take a few steps backwards to get out of his personal space.
  • Slow WAY down and just breathe.
  • Stop trying to get him to do what you want.
  • Do not try to argue with him or explain and explain and explain yourself to “make him understand.”
  • Give him time and space.
  • Be understanding if he feels like he needs to think about things.  (He may need time to process his feelings, the more you rush him and hurry him along, the more he will want to bail)
  • Be calm.
  • Be friendly.
  • Be pleasant.
  • Let him initiate any more conversation or contact – this is really important!  If he said he needs time – don’t contact him.  If you do, you will convince him that he was right about you – that you don’t respect his feelings or his requests and that you will not follow his lead in the future.

You may want to apologize for jumping the gun, and then tell him that you want to honor/respect his leadership from this point on.  You may even want to say something like:

“You know, I jumped way ahead there.  I apologize.  I respect that you are not ready for that right now.  Thank you for being upfront with me.”


  • pray
  • seek God’s will
  • trust God’s sovereignty
  • allow your guy to make his own decisions
  • cling to Christ and hold this man, the future, your relationship and everything else in your life very loosely in your hands
  • let him contact you
  • if he is not contacting you, that is going to have to be ok.  Make plans with godly friends and do other things. I would recommend not just sitting by the phone waiting every second for him to call you.

Check for idols in your heart.  “The human heart is an idol factory.”  Is there something you think you MUST have to be happy – and that thing/person is NOT Jesus?  Is there a big disappointment in your heart?  Sometimes our greatest disappointments and biggest fears and obsessions can point us to idols in our hearts.

  • a boyfriend
  • a committed romantic relationship
  • a courtship
  • an engagement ring
  • a wedding
  • a husband
  • a child
  • financial security
  • a man’s undivided attention

Then, lay down any sin/idols at Jesus’ feet and determine to seek Him and Him alone.  Let your life be completely about Jesus.  Be willing to let Him give and take away as He thinks best.  Seek God’s greatest glory and His will.  Determine to be content in Christ no matter what the outcome of the relationship with this man.


  • Move slowly.
  • Let him initiate a date/conversation/contact.
  • Do not push for physical contact or for long talks.
  • Do not explain yourself.
  • Consider possibly not spending hours with him right away – it could be that just brief contact may be best as he is still trying to decide if you are too controlling and demanding.
  • Tell him one or two things you admire about him – briefly – if he begins to contact you on his own regularly.
  • Smile.
  • Be friendly.
  • Be calm.
  • Be patient.
  • Enjoy the moment, without trying to zoom ahead into the future.
  • Trust God’s sovereignty.
  • Listen to God’s voice and be sensitive to His prompting.
  • Maybe seek a godly older woman to be a mentor to pray with about things.

What do you think?  Do you have wisdom or experience to share?

Let’s talk about this important topic! 🙂

A Masculine Perspective  – When He Says, “Let’s Just Be Friends.”


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