From a Single Christian Guy. I want to thank this man for his take on this issue. There are many times when a girl will begin to avoid a man who is interested in her – and that only intensifies his passion to try to “win” her. I think this could be an interesting alternative to prayerfully consider in some situations. (If a guy is dangerous or seriously actually criminally stalking you – please get appropriate help at work or from your parents or the police!)
I once has a female friend who complained of a “stalker” at work. Of course, she was way overstating the case, because it was just a socially awkward guy who was not doing a good job of asking her out and moving on.
She started hiding from him at work, which caused him to pursue her all the more.
My advice to her:
Quit hiding. Go on coffee break with him. Be kind, but not engaging. Be friendly, but figure out how to bore the daylights out of him.
In other words, DE-ESCALATE the situation. If he asks you out, politely decline, but – and this is crucial – act like it was a compliment, not that you were creeped out.
Tell him he’s a cool guy. Be nice, be boring, and be available to say hi and make idle chitchat.
Worked like a charm. He lost interest, but did not have to double down on his efforts to prove that he’s not creepy.
And on that point, I think women of previous generations were much more socially skilled in the art of discouraging suitors they were not interested in. The modern women has a tendency to give the “look of horror” and then do everything possible to nuke any chance of him ever asking her out again.
This, of course, is not treating a guy as a real human being. Of course, some people forget that other people are human beings from time to time. This will often lead to the guy doubling or tripling his efforts to prove himself worthy to a woman, because she has – possibly inadvertently – stripped him of his dignity.
That is something that girls need to think about, the power they have to strip a man of his dignity.
Is it worth destroying part of someone’s soul just to avoid being asked out maybe once or twice more?
Maybe you ladies should consider a situation like this nothing more than a chance to practice graceful rejections.
Also, when a man, even an ugly/short/bald/creepy/awkward/scrawny/fat one, that is waaaaay “below your league” asks you out,
he is putting a little bit of his heart in a vulnerable place. And he is telling you he sees value in you, enough to risk public shame.
Imagine, then, when a girl grabs a can of RAID and sprays him down like a pest. Having a compliment returned with an attack hurts.
I do realize (and even sympathize) that a woman can feel a certain horror being asked out by someone that she considers unattractive. And it is very easy for her to let her natural revulsion to that person show.
But she should check herself for a second and remember that this person is offering all they have. This is not like when someone who HAS more offering you a insulting offer. So don’t make a person (who already is limited in attraction) feel like a totally worthless pauper.
One more thing – If you can, try to find at least one nice thing to say about him that is true, so that you can keep a balanced perspective and also, not have to lie when you compliment him, if needed. People know when you are blowing sunshine at them.