Greg and April – our 19th wedding anniversary May 28, 2013
I have been asked, on multiple occasions, “Why should I play this game of being coy and submissive and pretending to respect my man? It just feels so fake.”
You know what? This question speaks VOLUMES to me about where a woman’s heart is. Almost all of us go through these questions. It is necessary to ask these things and find real answers. I’m glad that women ask about this!
Let’s see if we can get a few things very straight, my precious sisters:
– Obeying God’s commands for us is NEVER a game. And if we think it is – we are in an incredibly dangerous position before a holy, sovereign, omnipotent, omniscient God.
– Pretending to respect our husbands or husbands-to-be is hypocrisy. It is dishonoring to God and it is insulting to our men. We cannot fool our guys in this matter and we cannot fool God any more than a man could pretend to love his wife/girlfriend and that would be ok with her and ok with God. Pretending is NOT what we are talking about here at all!
– If our goal in respecting our men is to manipulate them into doing what we want them to do, that is big time sin.
– God is most interested in our motives. He doesn’t just want us to obey Him in actions – our hearts have to be completely right with Him and our motives must be pure or what we are doing is filthy and disgusting in His holy sight.
Please understand –
What God wants from us is TOTAL HEART CHANGE.
I NEVER endorse:
– Being fake.
– Playing “games.”
These things are sinful, hurtful and destructive to our relationships, to ourselves and to our walk with Christ.
What I endorse is that we:
– Repent and mourn deeply over our many sins.
– Turn away from our sin and to Christ.
– Totally submit to Jesus as LORD of our lives – making Him in charge of our lives.
– Die to our old sinful self and all of its sinful motives, selfishness, pride, bitterness, resentment, self-righteousness, hypocrisy, hatred, contempt, desire to control others, disrespect, desire to create drama/divisions, jealousy, disobedience to God’s Word, rebellion against the God-given authorities in our lives, rebellion against God, etc…
At first, will it feel like we are “faking it” as we seek to become godly women?
It will feel awkward and foreign, yes. It won’t feel like our “mother tongue” because our mother tongue is sin. When we die to our old sinful self and put on our new man in Christ, it will feel foreign and not like our old self – PRAISE GOD! And it will take practice to learn how to walk in the power of God’s Spirit and how to walk in obedience and how to stop sinning and stop using our words for destruction and how to begin to use them to give life, encouragement, affirmation and praise.
Another reason showing honor and respect to men and treating them with dignity may feel strange is that we don’t see this done very often today – not even in the church and in Christian marriages, sadly. 🙁 But that doesn’t mean that disrespect is a good thing! We have been deeply wounding our men for decades! It’s time for us to stop what feels so natural and begin to obey God sincerely.
Will we “lose ourselves”? Yes. We will lose our old sinful nature. But we will become the true and most authentic new self in Christ that God desires us to be!
If you see this whole process of becoming a godly woman as a game, or as “pretending” – then you have some seriously major digging to do before God to unearth your motives and to look at where you are with Christ. This is ALL about our love for Jesus, our faith in Him and our submission to Him as LORD.
I pray we will each be willing to seek Christ wholeheartedly and become the authentic, real, genuine, Spirit-filled women He desires us to be for His greatest glory!