A guest post by Surrenderedgirl – I am excited to share what God is doing in her life. May her post bless your walk with Christ, as well:
I met my boyfriend on a college church retreat at the beach. He was the first boyfriend I ever had, and he swept me off my feet. He became my world, and I thought he was perfect. He had everything I wanted in a man; he was handsome, sweet, and a christian. What more could a girl ask for? We hung out as often as we could, usually several times a week for hours on end.
My boyfriend wanted to make my first kiss special, so he decided that we would wait until we had dating a month until we kissed. When the time came, we had our first kiss, but it quickly turned into full on making-out. After it happened, I immediately broke down in tears in front of him, and told him I thought we were doing too much physically. So we made the plan to wait another three months to kiss again. It was a noble plan, and we successfully went a whole three months without a single kiss. However, my boyfriend became creative with other ways we could be close without kissing. In his defense, he is naturally a very affectionate and loving person. Unfortunately this led to us spending a lot of time cuddling and kissing.
Unfortunately, this struggle continued for months in our relationship. I was fine with holding hands, but we usually ended up making out. I was too naive and passive, so I usually just let things happen. One day, things went beyond just making-out to inappropriate touching. I was devastated, I couldn’t believe he would do this to me. The next day, I had lunch with my parents and told them what happened (from April – GOOD plan! Seeking out godly advice and accountability is very important – secrecy fuels the temptation). They advised me to be cautious with him and told me that if he kept this up I shouldn’t continue dating him.
So my boyfriend and I set more boundaries in our relationship, and thankfully it never happened again. However we continued spending a lot of time kissing and cuddling.
Eventually, I lost my dream of having a completely pure relationship.
I knew deep down that God was calling me to stop what we were doing, but I had become so used to it that it seemed normal. I would even try to justify why it wasn’t so bad. Occasionally I would feel a nudging from God telling me that what we were doing was wrong, but I still didn’t really know what to do about it.
After we had been dating for several months, this became a source of resentment for me toward my boyfriend. I knew I should stop things, but I also felt that if he really loved me and God he would just do the right thing. I would get frustrated because I would talk to him about it and things would get better for a while, but we were never consistent.
I was always praying that God would change my boyfriend. I mean it was his fault we were sinning, right?
I began to realize that God also wanted to change me through this situation. I would tell my boyfriend how we needed to stop making-out, but then I wouldn’t stop things when we were. I wanted my boyfriend to just change, but I didn’t want to have to go against him to make the change. When I began to pray that God would change me too, that’s when I began to see real change in our relationship.
- I became more bold and I learned to say no to my boyfriend.
- I learned I had to be persistent to get my point across to him.
- I also learned that I had to actually put into practice what I was preaching to my boyfriend.
- I also came to the realization that my boyfriend wasn’t forcing me to sin, I was allowing it to happen.
Eventually, I began to have hope that our relationship could be pure again. I believe God used this struggle to help me learn to stand up for what I know is right. If my boyfriend had been perfect all along, I may never have learned this valuable lesson.
“I Made My Boyfriend into an Idol” by Surrenderedgirl
Submitting Sexual Desire to the Lord – by Justin Campbell
The Blessing of Celibacy – by Jason