Men watch you closely.
Did you know that?
- They know which girls talk a lot about their friends behind their backs.
- They know which girls are not safe for them to share their hearts with.
- They know which girls badmouth their current or past boyfriend(s).
- They know which girls are very controlling and disrespectful to men.
- They know which girls are high drama and which ones will smear a guy’s reputation all over the social media world.
- They remember which girls say things about how much they hate men and how stupid and incompetent men are.
They make a mental note to avoid the girls who do these things like the plague.
WE LOVE IT WHEN GUYS, ESPECIALLY OUR BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND DEFENDS US TO OTHER PEOPLE
Why don’t we do the same for them?
Why do we sit around at work, church or with our friends and listen to them ridicule, belittle and disrespect their men?
We think if we are good friends with other women, we need to listen, be there to support them and let them “vent.” We want to be a good friend to our girl friends. We want to bond with them emotionally and share our pain together. We want to be good listeners and we want to be supportive of our good friends. We don’t want them to hurt by themselves and feel isolated.
The other part of this is – sadly – we often treat our girl friends the same way. We tend to talk about them to others, too, many times. I believe that as disciples of Christ, it is our responsibility to treat all people with respect because they are all image bearers of God, deeply loved by our Lord.
We do need godly women friends and mentors to talk with who will encourage us, nurture us, pray with us, cry with us, laugh with us and share life with us. Mature, wise, godly mentors would be the people to share details with if we are actually having a difficult problem in a relationship – and we truly are seeking to honor God in how we handle that problem. But it is not helpful or necessary or beneficial to talk with lots of other people about things. And if what I am talking about is something that I have no control or responsibility over, and the person I am talking to has no control or responsibility over – it is probably best not to talk about it.
Wouldn’t we be horrified if we found out our men were sitting around complaining about us, criticizing us, tearing us apart, sharing a heart full of contempt for us with their buddies? Let’s think about our guys’ feelings and be careful with our words and what we share. Let’s not carelessly use our mouths to destroy and kill, but to build up and give life. Let’s choose VERY wisely before we share details about a conflict we are having with our guys – let’s only choose spiritually mature, Bible-believing, Bible-living women who will be willing to help us see our own part in the problem and what God may want us to work on ourselves.
HOW CAN WE HONOR GOD AND OUR MEN IN A CORRUPT CULTURE?
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)
Here are some suggestions I have. You are welcome to add more or to discuss what I am saying. These are not rules – these are ideas to get us thinking about our motives when we are speaking about those we love and people we know in a way that brings glory to God.
I desire to:
- not participate in gossip at all. I don’t want to speak it. I don’t want to even hear it – it will defile my heart to just hear gossip. I personally try to stop someone from gossiping to me if I see they are about to start. It is wrong even to listen to gossip. It grieves the heart of my Lord!
- not speak of anyone in a negative light – especially my man.
- talk about the good in others and the positive things about other people – especially my guy. (Philippians 4:8)
- gently confront women who are speaking with contempt about their current or past men, and encourage them to show respect for these men – especially if the women say they are Christians. Let’s hold our sisters accountable to the Word of God. Allowing someone to continue on in sin (gossip, hatred, unforgiveness, rebellion against God’s Word, disrespect, revenge, lust, adultery, etc…) is not loving at all. Let’s seek the approval of God much more than the approval of people.
- refuse to be a sounding board for a woman who only wants to complain about, criticize, condemn, mock, judge and hate her man. “If you are interested in talking about how to learn to handle this in a God-honoring way, awesome. I will do anything I can to support you, encourage you, pray with you, find you resources, listen to your struggles and work on ways you/we can better honor God and obey Him. But I am not going to listen to you verbally destroy your guy.”
- honor God and my husband in my tone of voice, my facial expressions, my words, my stories, my attitudes, my behavior and my dress – to edify and build up those who listen.
If you decide not to listen to gossip, not to listen to women tear down other people, not to listen to man-bashing – you probably will lose friendships.
That is ok. Love your friends, honor them, seek to lead them to Christ if they don’t know Him – by His Spirit loving them through you and sharing and living out truth in front of them. But if being around you offends people, if they don’t want to stop the gossip, slander and tearing others down – it is best not to be close friends with them.
You WILL be weird if you don’t run down your guy. Yep. That is totally ok. We are not supposed to look or act like the world. We are to be the salt and light of the world!