When you write an email, text or message a guy –

If you are not dating yet, it can be wise to only contact him after he contacts you.  I am sure there are exceptions.

If you do send him an email first – don’t send him another one until he responds to the first one!

Please be brief.

I am always careful to do this with my husband now.  I learned this the hard way 4 years ago!

I would suggest keeping most emails to 100 – 500 words as a pretty good guideline.  Individual guys may have their own preferences.

If you send a long 2000-3000 word email to a guy – he may read into it a paragraph or two – but chances are – he is probably going to feel overwhelmed with the sheer volume of words and get lost way before he gets to the end.

Sometimes, even just 3-4 sentences is great. 🙂

If you have a guy who likes to talk via email and who sends you long emails – you may be able to send equally long emails back.  Tailor your email length to the needs and preferences of your man.

Get to the point

Guys like to know the bottom line.

Think, bullet points, not essay.

Careful with negative emotions

If you have something REALLY EMOTIONAL to say  that is NEGATIVE – it might be better NOT to say that by email if possible.  Positive emotions are fine to send by email. 🙂

If you do have to say something very emotional (in a negative way)-  be SUPER CAREFUL!

I would definitely stick with just 2-4 sentences in that case.  But it is better to probably handle a situation like that in person.

If you must express negative emotion in an email, here are some examples – instead of sending 3000 words about all your feelings and emotions, try to boil them down to just a few sentences.  DO NOT BLAME him for your emotions.  Ask for what you want in a simple, straightforward way.  Say what your emotions are in an extremely basic way.

1. I’m really sad that we can’t be together.  I’m going to miss you so much.  I’m SO disappointed you can’t come!

2. I am upset that we didn’t get to finish talking about X.  I want to talk about it when we get together again, please. 🙂

3. I want to see my family first for Thanksgiving this year, please.

4. I wish that  you wouldn’t talk with your ex-girlfriend, anymore, please.  It hurts me/makes me sad.

Avoid big long explanations.

Just state:

– what you want/don’t want

– what you need

– what the name is of the emotion you are feeling.

End of email.

Let him think about it for awhile!

If he doesn’t respond right away – don’t feel slighted.  Some men aren’t big into email – it doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you or is not interested in you.



Good post. Speaking as someone who probably has too much experience in such matters:

Think out what you want to say before you just start writing. What is the important thing(s) you want to get across. It’s not so much a number of words as getting right to the point. Personally, I’ve never minded a sea of text when the signal to noise ratio is high.

If you have something REALLY EMOTIONAL to say – it might be better NOT to say that by email if possible.

If you do have to say something very emotional, especially very NEGATIVELY CHARGED – be SUPER CAREFUL!

This is the key part. How I would offer this, is to think on whether a subject is appropriate for e-mail or rather if it would be better to wait until you can do it in person or a phone call. This is especially true since vocal inflection and tone is missing and much can be mistaken in text that wouldn’t be when all the other communication cues are missing.

Don’t completely discount emotion, though. If you have something positive, by all means go for it, especially if it’s a situation/way that might bring some joy or encouragement.


Email is really dangerous. Also, you can sometimes email to set up something. Say, “Can we talk about X tonight? I’m not mad or anything, I just really want to make sure we talk about it.” That way he has a heads up – which is helpful for us guys who like to get our thoughts in order – and it might be what you really want.

Also – don’t use email as a cop-out. In other words, I would never say this to you, but I’m going to write it. That’s just a bad practice.

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