A question from the woman I have been talking to who has graciously allowed me to share her story (One Woman’s Regrets, Do I Use Men Instead of Loving Them in a Godly Way?) – her words are in black, mine are in blue.
HER FIRST EMAIL ON THIS TOPIC
This topic’s going to be a bit more personal, sorry. But it’s something everyone’s struggled with, except asexual people, maybe.
Perhaps asexual people are the ‘born eunuchs’ that Jesus referred to? I’ve often wondered.
Ever since I’ve realised on a deep level that sex is for marriage only, I’ve lost my interest in solo sex. That is to say, my sex drive hasn’t gone away (though it’s not high anyway) but I find now I can’t bring myself to practice solo sex any more.
- The church teaches that it’s wrong but it doesn’t say why.
- The Bible itself seems to be silent on the subject.
- The best argument I’ve heard against it is that sex is designed to be a shared activity with your spouse not a solo activity for our own gratification.
That’s fair enough. But I’m going to share something different.
I think once one KNOWS how sex should be ( to be practiced lovingly as an act of giving to the one you’re completely committed to) then it doesn’t seem right to do this.
That’s the same as what I said above. But with women in particular, with this kind of activity, unclean fantasies pretty much always accompany it. It does with me.
And the fantasies (for me) involve acts which are degrading, which in real life, if played out, would result in a man going to jail and a woman having to see a counsellor to overcome the trauma. The fantasies in general involve sex acts outside of marriage when people do this kind of activity.
So this would be in direct opposition to what I claim I believe about God’s view of sex. Which is why it’s suddenly become rather distasteful to me now. And I don’t want to do it any more.
I sure hope this new feeling stays with me for life, that it’s not just a blip, and that lust will lead me back down that path again in future. If I keep in mind how sex should be, hopefully that won’t happen.
I also think that sex has become an idol in our society. Why is there so much attention paid to sex? It’s pleasurable, but so is food – but food doesn’t rank as high as sex does in the attention stakes.
What do you think of this ‘sea change’?
Do you think this could help other women struggling in this area?
Any time we put something that is not Jesus on the throne of our hearts – that thing will destroy us. God will not allow us to find satisfaction or contentment in anything but Himself. That is a blessing!
I’ve never been exposed to porn and these kinds of fantasies are very common to women for a variety of reasons, I’ve read. I did look at porn earlier this year but found it a total turn off.
12 “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything. 13 You say, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.” The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”b 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.c
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.
20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them.8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9 (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 14 This is why it is said:
“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
- God calls us as disciples in Christ to live lives of chastity.
- honor and obey God
- please God
- love God
- respect and fear God
- love, bless and respect others
Any other motives are probably sinful and destructive.
The question then is not, “How close can I get to sin before it is sin in God’s eyes?”
The question is, “How can I most honor Christ and bless others in this area?”
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