Here is a story from a 22 year old single Christian woman that I am excited to share with you all. A HUGE thank you to her for allowing me to post this. Comments are welcome. 🙂
FROM A SISTER IN CHRIST:
I would like to share a bit from my story and ask you for your opinion.
- Four or five months ago I decided to absolutely rely on God who I will date and marry someday.
It was after a year during which I was desperately in love with one guy. But then I decided – and it was amazing! God restored joy in my heart and I’ve felt hundred times better.
I was very happy in the state of “not being in love” and enjoyed it. I also plan to go (to another country to study for 9 months) in two weeks.
But during the summer something happened, I have one friend. We have known each other for a year quite well. His cousin is one of my best friends. He is Godly man and about 6 months ago, he helped me a lot spiritually as he prayed for me and my problems in school. We were meeting occasionaly and rarely, mostly on Christian events. In the end of June we met on my friend’s graduation. I realized that he treats me in very nice way.
After a few days we were chatting – because I wrote him a message that I can’t display photos from the graduation. Then he started personal conversations during which he asked me if I had been going to one camp which is organized in the area where he lives. So after a month we met there. One whole evening we spent together and talked about our lives. He asked me about my family etc. and he asked me if he can pray for me – so he did. Always when we met on the camp he was smiling at me asking me how I am, how’s everything. We took every chance to talk. After the camp I wrote him a message if he could pray for me because I felt very sick. He immediatelly responded. In the morning he wrote me a message asking if I was feeling better. He encouraged me also the day after. After few days he wrote me again just to ask how I am and told me that he will be at one festival that we might see each other there. On that festival we spent three days together. Not just we two together separately all the time but sometimes, especially first and last evening. It’s been very nice time together and I know we both enjoyed it.
We also prayed together and in this prayer I realized how much he appreciates our friendship.
Nevertheless I have a strong feeling he likes me as a girl, too. I could be wrong but when we are in the same place, he spends most time with me – more than with any other (except Jesus, for sure).
After the festival he wrote me a message that he remembered I mentioned that I needed help with a choice of a new laptop and we were chatting about three hours about it. He told me that I don’t have to be sorry that he helps me with it and that he is glad to do it. The next day we continued duscussing laptops but then we more talked about life. We found out we like the same books and he offered to lend me his book before I leave for (another country). We live quite far from each other but he knows I will be visiting my friends in his area before I leave, so he suggested to meet when I will be in his village to lend me the book.
I know we can be still friends. And I’m glad for that. I would say we are very close friends right now. But I’m in love with him and I can’t help myself. I know it will be hard for me when I will be away because I don’t like this feeling of uncertainty. I should also say it’s normal that he talks with girls but not every girl. He’s not good with meeting new people. However, he has a gift to help people, also girls, mainly in spiritual way.
What do you think? Would it be bad if I tell him about my feelings? He seems to be shy to talk about us. I know he is probably a bit disappointed from his previous relationships and he is searching for a wife from God. He always treats everyone very honestly so I know if I start conversation about our relationship, he would be honest.
But there’s still the question: Is it good idea?
If you have godly parents, I would recommend asking them what they think of him.
If you have been friends for a long time with a guy – in my view – it can be necessary to be a bit more direct when you realize your feelings have become romantic towards him.
Normally – I would say, let him pursue you. Be receptive and friendly. But let him ask you out and ask for your number.
But if he thinks he is in the “just friends” status – he may not recognize that your feelings have changed.
- My recommendation is to PRAY first and be VERY sensitive to God’s voice.
Then, if you believe that this is a truly godly guy and that you are hearing correctly that God is in this – then I would recommend saying something like:
– You know, you are exactly the kind of guy I can see myself dating.
– Have I ever told you that I think you are an amazing man?
– I am going to miss you SO much when I go away. I can’t wait to be with you again.
If he doesn’t seem to be picking up on what you are saying, you may want to be more straightforward:
– I want you to know – I am interested in dating you if you believe that is God’s will for you.
– I am interested in having a relationship with you.
– I just thought I would tell you, in case you were wondering – if you asked me out, I would definitely say, “Yes!”
- If he hesitates or you see the “deer in the headlights” look , it could be helpful if you nonchalantly make a trip to another room in the house at this point, or leave to go get something from the car – just to take the pressure off of him, and give him time to stop his head from spinning. Then if he doesn’t bring up another subject, or is very quiet, you can bring up another topic with a smile on your face as if everything is totally normal and fine and that you are just enjoying his company.
AND – If you approach your guy friend very directly like this:
- Don’t demand a quick answer.
- Don’t freak out if he says nothing.
- Don’t pressure him.
- Don’t bring it up again.
- Let him think about it and get back to you. Let him be the one to bring it up from this point on.
FROM MY SISTER IN CHRIST:
My parents aren’t Christians. Two of my close friends told me independently from each other that we two would fit in together (when they didn’t know about my feelings yet). One of them is his very close friend. Lately she told me I should tell him about my feelings toward him but I wasn’t bold enough to do it at the festival.
Another thing I didn’t mentioned – to some people it may seem absurd – he is 12 years older than me. Though we understand one another very well and we have very much in common, including common friends.
Thank you for your recommendations. I talked about it with my/his close friend and she told me when we meet I should tell him. But first of all PRAYERS are the most important as you said.
I will meet him sometime next week, I don’t know when exactly yet.
He is really Godly man. I can say I’ve never met such a godly man even I know there are still some in the world
If you think it’s worthy you can share my story. I don’t know how it will continue but I will let you know. If I could I would encourage other girls to RELY ON GOD. I think similar situations can bring us closer to God. I’m glad that this “love story” makes me stronger even I am a bit confused. It’s good to know that even if this would end up differently than in my dreams, I will stay in God’s will – it is the best place in our lives and we all need to always remember it. Just trust in Jesus
I personally have no issue with the age difference. There are no rules about such things in scripture. In fact, Boaz was much older than Ruth. Abraham was about 10 years older than Sarah. Joseph is thought to be a good bit older than Mary.
I’m glad that you will tell him. The key is to not bring it up again – just to tell him once. And then follow his lead from that point on. My suggestions to prayerfully consider are:
- Allow him to ask you out.
- Allow him to call you (unless there is an emergency).
- Allow him to email/text you first generally until you are in an established committed relationship – although, many couples continue with the man calling the woman. I think that can be a really great thing. It is not a rule – but it could be a good way to allow him to control how often he would like to communicate, unless he specifies he would prefer for you to call him.
- Allow him to decide when to say you are “official.”
- Allow him to decide if/when to propose.
Much love to you!!!!!
HERE IS A LITTLE QUESTION A DIFFERENT GIRL ASKED ME RECENTLY:
“What do I do if the guy I am interested in is so attractive, I can hardly say a word or focus on what he is saying?”
Creating Attraction (a Post for Women)