GENTLEMEN – You are welcome to comment on today’s post if you would like to help the ladies better understand our brothers in Christ.
I can so relate to this. It is almost impossible for us as women to avoid trying to “read into” a man’s every action, expression, tone of voice and word – or lack of words – when we are interested in a man.
But, we can get ourselves into so much trouble! I’d like us to assume we DON’T know how men think generally and not to make negative assumptions, jumping on the worst possible case scenario.
So, if a guy we are interested in doesn’t call/text for a few days (or hours… or minutes…) we might normally think things like:
- That’s it. He’s mad at me.
- He obviously doesn’t like me.
- He hates me.
- Clearly, he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.
- He must like someone else.
- He must think X.
- He must feel Y.
Let’s not go there. The truth is – we don’t know what is happening with him. We cannot accurately judge from a distance. We don’t know his heart. We don’t know his motivations. We don’t know his circumstances. What if we tell ourselves things more like:
- He is probably just busy.
- He’ll get back in touch when he can.
- I choose to trust God’s sovereignty in this situation to work out for my ultimate best
If we normally hear from him daily, and he doesn’t contact us for a few days – maybe we can send ONE message saying something like, “Hey, just wanted to be sure you are ok. :)” But one message is probably enough.
If you see that he is on FB or Twitter and he is just not responding to you – then, my suggestion is – give him some space. Let him come back to you. Unless you realize that you did something disrespectful – then you may want to apologize. But otherwise, waiting is probably a good idea if it is a guy you are not “officially” dating and he hasn’t returned your texts/calls. Guys don’t like to feel like they are being stalked. More emails/texts is not better! 🙂 A good rule of thumb might be – send him only about as many messages as he sends to you if he has not asked you to be in a relationship with him. However, I am not the Holy Spirit, please listen to Him over any of my suggestions!
If a man really is upset, he is a grown adult. Let’s wait and let him tell us that he is upset. Let’s not assume people are upset with us unless they communicate that to us directly or we know that we did something hurtful we need to apologize for. Sometimes, guys may just be stressed because of their job or a family situation or a spiritual issue of their own that has nothing to do with us. Sometimes men are in a bad mood or depressed – and it isn’t our fault! It is good for our sanity, in my view, if we don’t take every little thing to mean that they are upset with us.
WHAT DID THAT MEAN?
We sometimes torture ourselves by dissecting every thing a man does, trying to find hidden meaning. We even talk with our girlfriends all about it, looking for all the deep hidden communication a man may be trying to send to us.
I vote to stop doing this, ladies!
The truth is, men tend to be pretty straightforward. It is usually not necessary to look for a lot of hidden meaning. If you aren’t sure what he means by his words, go with his actions. A man’s actions are usually pretty accurate indicators of his true feelings and priorities. But do listen to what he says, too. If his words and actions match up, maybe we can consider just taking what he says at face value. That is what most men mean by what they say generally. (I am talking about godly men here, men who really want to live for and submit to Jesus.) It will help you stay sane if you do this! And you will probably understand him a lot better if you actually hear what he says, too. 🙂
A SENSE OF HUMOR
I think it is a fantastic idea to learn to have a beautiful, fun sense of humor.
Being able to respond to stressful situations with grace, appropriate humor, poise and maturity is such a gift that will serve us well in many difficult situations in the future!
It is easy sometimes for us to be too serious about our men. Sometimes, it is wonderful to stop thinking so much and just enjoy the men (and everyone) around us.
- laugh at their jokes
- enjoy being around them
- enjoy what they can offer at the time without pressuring them about the future
- live in the moment, not thinking about a year from now (or 5 years or 20 years from now)
- be full of the joy and peace of Christ yourself
- be a joy to be around
- maybe have some of your own jokes to share (but not unwholesome, vulgar or sexy jokes, and not sarcastic/cutting jokes that tear down others)
- be full of gratitude for the gift of today
- be friendly
Much love to you, my precious sisters!