I have had the privilege recently of being able to help prepare a Christian, virgin bride for her honeymoon night. She contacted me with some questions and it was such an honor to be able to share the excitement, wonder and holiness of this time with her and to be able to offer her some words of wisdom about what to expect and some ideas about how to help things go smoothly.
What an incredible blessing!
Ladies, if you are about to marry and want to talk with me – I am here!
Greg and I dated for 6 years before we married. I was only 15 when we met. He was 16. He proposed to me at sunset looking over Lake Murray in Columbia, SC on my 20th birthday and we got married a little over a year later. Our honeymoon night was our first time consummating our relationship. It is one of my most cherished memories. How thankful I am that we didn’t squander that gift from God!
Did we do everything perfectly?
I look back now and see where we could have benefited from a lot more accountability. That is something I will certainly pray over concerning our children and the decisions we make as they begin to seek a potential spouse.
To me, the question is no longer:
How far away should I stay from the edge of the cliff?
How close can I stay to Jesus?
For some of you, it is too late to reserve your virginity for God’s will and His timing to be first opened on your wedding night. Maybe you have already given away this precious gift.
Thank God, Jesus’ blood is able to wash away every sin and leave no stain. There is no sin so dark or so powerful that Jesus’ blood cannot cleanse it from our lives and remove it as far as the east is from the west!
What can you do now – no matter what you have done in your past – for virgins and non-virgins?
– Repent deeply, sincerely and with great sadness over your sin – all of your sin: fornication, pride, greed, idolatry (putting anything before Christ in your heart – ie: beauty, thinness, wealth, a boyfriend, an engagement ring, a wedding, marriage, having children, being in control yourself), selfishness, envy, jealousy, unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, gossip, gluttony, lying, cheating, stealing, etc… Turn away from every single thing that offends our Holy God.
– Receive His forgiveness for all of your sin. Receive the gift of His dying in your place and taking the wrath of God on Himself that you deserved. Receive Him as your Savior.
– Receive Jesus also as your LORD. That means, He is your Master now. He has authority over your life now. It means you die to your old sinful self and your desires and wisdom and you live in total submission to Jesus now.
– Seek His will, His wisdom and His greatest glory in your life.
– Spend your time longing to know Him more, feasting on His Word, thirsting for His presence, hungering for His Spirit to fill you.
– Ask His Spirit to empower you to be the godly woman He desires you to be.
– Surrender your life to Him and be willing to do whatever He desires you to do.
– Be a woman of fervent prayer.
– Trust God’s sovereignty. Learn more about His character.
– Joyfully obey Him – knowing that all of God’s commands are for your blessing and welfare – even if His ways seem strange to the world.
– Seek to please God, not people!
– Seek a godly mentoring woman to learn from. (Be sure she honors God’s Word with her own life!)
– Seek to live humbly before God – to learn what it means to be a godly woman with a gentle and quiet spirit that does what is right and does not give way to hysterical fear. An ungodly woman gives way to hysterical fear. A woman who trusts God does not – she is unshakable because her trust and faith is not in herself or an idol, but in God Himself. She has built her life on the Rock.
– Seek to discover what it means to live out godly femininity – learn what is beautiful to God, seek to be modest in your dress and behavior. Seek to respect God-given authority. Seek to have a spirit of wide-eyed wonder. Develop a grateful heart. Stop the arguing and complaining. Focus on the gifts and blessings God has given to you (Philippians 4:8).
– Only consider dating men who have turned to Christ and are actively pursuing Him and desire to obey Him in everything, who are growing. (You may need a godly dad’s input here, or a godly pastor or your older woman mentor to help you see if a man is living for Christ – to be sure you are not misjudging his character). Seek a man in whom you see the fruit of the Spirit in him on a daily basis.
– Commit to a life from this point on of godly virtue and chastity – celibacy until marriage.
FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT SURRENDERED THEIR VIRGINITY:
Thank you for living in obedience to God on this very important issue! You will never regret obeying God – no matter what the world may say!
Celibacy is not cherished in our world. But God cherishes celibacy outside of marriage.
In fact – you will find great freedom of heart and peace and joy that those who follow the destructive path of the world will never know.
Cherish your treasure! Please continue on knowing that God is pleased. That is the most important thing!
A DEFINITION OF VIRTUE
The term “virtue” in Greek often refers to “moral excellence” and “goodness.”
Arthur F. Holmes describes “virtues” in the following way:
A virtue is a right inner disposition, and a disposition is a tendency to act in certain ways. Disposition is more basic, lasting and pervasive than the particular motive or intention behind a certain action. It differs from a sudden impulse in being a settled habit of mind, an internalized and often reflective trait. Virtues are general character traits that provide inner sanctions on our particular motives, intentions and outward conduct.16
There are many key ideas in this definition, but for our purposes here I want to focus on two. First, a virtue is a tendency, stemming from who you are at your core level, to act in certain ways. Second, it is not simply, therefore, an impulse, good or bad, but rather a settled habit of mind. Third, it has a function of providing judgment on motives and outward actions. Virtues, then, relate to who we are as people; our character.
FROM PEACEFULWIFE – this tendency to do what is right only comes from being filled with God’s Spirit
DEFINITION OF CHASTITY
– purity, even in inner make-up, i.e. real integrity.
From www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com (click the link for the full post, please)
“Because of my own sinful past, as well as the fact that sexual sin introduced so many sorrows into my life (even before I was born), I learned early in my Christian walk that purity meant more than simply avoiding sex outside of marriage. Sexual purity, like all virtues, begins in the heart.The Bible calls it chastity, which doesn’t always mean “sexual abstinence.” After all, even married women are called to be chaste (Titus 2:5, 1 Peter 3:2). Being chaste is more than a physical state of being; it is an active virtue that consistently demonstrates sexual purity—in thought, word, and deed.
Chastity requires me to honor the estate of marriage and to respect the marriage bed. It goes well beyond simply avoiding sexual activity outside of marriage. In fact, it’s far more active, since it includes loving my brother enough to help protect his chastity (Galatians 5:14). Whether I am single or married; whether it is my marriage or the marriage of my neighbor, I am called to honor marriage. Because ‘marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.’ (Hebrews 13:4)”