Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

From a precious single Christian woman in her 30s who has written guest posts for me before – this is what it looks like to date a man without idolizing him as you put the Lord first:

I find myself in a new place in life… dating!

Conversations are different with me now having a different mindset. My looks haven’t really changed but God has changed my heart and it is just totally different.

  • I don’t fear losing a man, because I am holding him loosely.
  • I don’t freak out if he doesn’t text or call everyday.
  • I smile and thank him genuinely when he compliments me. I don’t say something like, “Ugh! Thanks, but I don’t like this shirt on me. I wish I were cuter.”
  • I am content with the attention he offers and just as content if he isn’t reaching out. It is so freeing for me.
  • I don’t worry about his attention. I am seeking to honor God and honor him and show respect. Outside of that, I am okay with whatever happens.
  • I am joyful when he reaches out and I am joyful when he doesn’t.

If he doesn’t think I am cute, he wouldn’t be getting to know me. And, I don’t mean that in a conceited way. I am just learning to let him (any man) determine what he thinks is attractive and to assume he is being genuine and honest with compliments, not assuming he is just being kind of cruel in a reverse way.

THAT is the work of God alone. This is not at ALL how I used to be. I am not saying any of this to glorify myself, because I didn’t do any of these changes. It is God alone!!!

It truly is such a nice place to be. He actually said something last week to me that made me smile. I wanted to say, “Oh, you have NO idea how I used to be.” I smiled and thanked him. And was thankful that God has changed me.

It is amazing to me how much more enjoyable a relationship is without all of the worry and trying to live up to expectations.

He expects me to be feminine, kind, respectful, etc. but, all of the other expectations we put on ourselves are wild. He doesn’t care if my makeup is perfect or if my hair has some crazy curls from the rain. He doesn’t care if my house is perfect. We put large amounts of pressure on ourselves, that guys (at least this guy) don’t really care that much about. He is interested in my heart and that is different too. I don’t feel like I have to hide all of the bad and all of the growth. Now, I don’t tell him every single detail of my life, but I don’t hide my flaws either. I’m even asking him to help me recognize if I am being too self-critical.

I don’t question his motives. I trust that they are pure and honest, as he has not proved otherwise. I think we have to be aware and not live in a bubble. But, for the first time, I feel like I am believing the person he is showing me. I don’t question everything; I trust that he is who he says he is. Again, I believe in being safe and there is a balance there.

I am not even sure when all of this change happened. But, I guess God was working on my heart in ways I didn’t even recognize in those desperate and sincere moments with Him. It is ALL Him, as this peace and trust and joy is not my natural state.

When I went to Him in my loneliness, He healed so much more than just the sting of the moment. Isn’t that so awesome and kind of Him?! Thank you for this website and all of your advice over the years. It is much harder to put things in practice than to believe them in theory. I am thankful for the years I have spent reading and praying about this stuff.

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