I’m hearing from a lot of you that there are men you are interested in – at work or church or at school… but you just aren’t sure how to initiate contact with him.  You don’t want to “take the lead” but he doesn’t seem to be approaching you – what’s a girl to do?

I believe there are many things you can do to signal your interest in a guy that will tell him, “You will be welcomed and accepted here.”

  • SMILE at him!  If you see him looking your direction – hold his gaze for a second and smile then look away and keep smiling.
  • Depending on where you are – it may be a great idea just to go up to him and introduce yourself.  Don’t give him your phone number or ask him for his – but tell him your name, ask him his name.
  • Be friendly.
  • If there is time, ask him a few questions about himself  (more on this in a minute!)
  • Complement him on something you have noticed that you admire about him – his work ethic, how kind he is to others, how talented he is (if you have been able to witness his talents), his great smile…
  • DO NOT THINK INTO THE FUTURE!  Just RELAX and enjoy the moment.
  • Do not put him down or put men down in general
  • Don’t bring up your old boyfriend or all the details of your life at this moment.
  • If he is busy or acts busy or like he’s trying to get away or he keeps looking at his friends or doesn’t seem to be interested in talking right then – that’s ok, just smile and say, “It was great to meet you!”  and end the conversation – still smiling!

Some flirty things you could try saying (IF you want to):

  • You know,  not every guy who can pull off  ________ .  But I have to say, you do it very well! 🙂
  • If he is at work and was just given a tough assignment/chore/task that he obviously does NOT want to do, I like Mimi Tanner’s approach, “Oh!  You know you like it!”
  • Sadly, I really have to get back to work.  I know you are going to miss me terribly.  It was wonderful to meet  you!
  • Wow!  Those eyes of yours are AMAZING!
  • If you trip, spill something or mess something up, “That is TOTALLY what I had planned to do all along!” or  “I bet you WISH you could be as cool as I am!”
  • If he kids/teases you about something, “Yeah.  I’m pretty awesome at that.  I know  you’re jealous.”
  • If he compliments you, “Try to pretend you aren’t jealous!”  Or  – at the very least – smile and say “Thank you!”


  • Be casual, friendly and interested
  • Be unhurried and calm
  • Don’t act like you are interrogating him as if you were a reporter or as if he was on the witness stand in court 🙂
  • Some guys get offended if you ask “What do you do?”  – they feel like girls are sizing them up and basically asking, “How much money do you make?”  I don’t know that all guys would be offended by this question right off the bat.  If you meet at work, you’ll probably already know what he does!  But maybe there are other questions that might be better than this one.
  • Avoid asking about his future plans right now (especially about if he plans to get married or have children or wants a committed relationship).  If this becomes a real relationship that develops into a commitment, there will be time to ask about those things later.

Some good questions might be things like (be sure to smile and say these things in a friendly voice!):

  • Where are you from/where did you grow up?
  • What kinds of things do you like to do?
  • What’s going on?
  • How long have you been going here/working here?
  • How will you be enjoying the rest of this fine day?
  • Where did you go to high school/college?
  • What kinds of movies are your favorites?
  • Tell me about your family.
  • (If you met at church) – What do you like about this church?
  • (If you met at church) – What have you been reading in the Bible lately?
  • (If you met at church) – Tell me about when you decided to live for Christ.
  • What kind of music do you like to listen to?

STORIES to share with him (if this continues on and you both seem interested):

  • a funny story about you/your family/your pet (for me – funny twin stories always worked well since I am an identical twin!)
  • how long you have been here and why you came here
  • where you grew up
  • where you went to school
  • where you went to church before here
  • what you like about this place


I would personally suggest NOT arguing with him (unless it is in a flirty way) and I would not suggest complaining about anything.

HAVE FUN!  ENJOY!  SAVOR the moment!  See where things go – don’t try to force anything.  But be receptive and open to his attention.

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