A guest post by Trina, a 36 year old single sister in Christ:
I used to have the idea that after I had accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, surely He would automatically bless me with the desires of my heart according to my own understanding, and I hoped it would be according to my timeline.
Shortly after I was saved, most of my unsaved friends abandoned me. My siblings were not saved and we lived somewhat far apart from each other. It was a rather difficult time. But I thought I would find the right church, new friends and spiritual family, spiritually grow, and serve in the church, doing whatever work the Lord led me to do. I also desired to meet a loving Christian man and get married soon.
Well, things certainly didn’t happen the way I had hoped!
It was hard to connect in the churches: cliques, legalism, and unsound doctrine were a few problems I ran into. I moved around searching different churches.
Over time, I visited different churches, and I did eventually hear some good teachings, and connect with some sisters. Gradually, some of the new friends I made met their future husbands and one by one they began to get married. Around me, people were showered with the blessings of marriage and family. I met single Christian men with whom I felt no desire for connection with even after praying about it, or we were mutually interested and they turned out to be hostile, so I was repelled.
I watched, and it seemed the other sisters met and married loving men who adored them.
The years went by, and I remained single. I often felt like the odd one out, because there were so many couples and families around. Most churches are very family oriented, and I felt awkward and secluded at times. Sometimes people unsuccessfully tried to play matchmaker for me.
I felt panic.
Maybe If I visited more churches or went to more events or attended tent meetings it would increase my odds of meeting someone. I visited different churches, went to events and older youth camps, but time went on and it didn’t happen. I became very discouraged and also angry with God.
Satan’s lies were that:
- I was being singled out and punished by God
- God didn’t care about my needs and was withholding good things from me while He blessed others.
Deep down, I knew these were lies, but I was so consumed by my circumstances that I entertained them. I was sinfully living in idolatry, doubt, fear and worry. I had become very fixated on my quest to find the right church, the right people, and a wonderful, godly husband.
But what good would it be to have the desires on my wish list handed to me without me having God first in my life and living in true fellowship with Him?
My emptiness and misery would have remained.
I also hadn’t kept my focus on what I did have: the many ways God was blessing me, including first and foremost that Jesus saved me from hell! Not only me, but my parents were saved, God provided protection from harm for my loved ones and myself, food, clothing, shelter, transportation, a good job with great benefits, and much, much more!
What I wasn’t realizing is that God did not have first place in my heart and in my life. My plans had first place. I was not really seeking God and His direction the way I should have been. I was running around searching for contentment in people, places, and ideas, and trying to make my plans work.
In Proverbs 16: 2-3, the Bible says:
All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the Lord weigheth the spirits. Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.
God began to show me that I had the wrong attitude toward Him, and wrong perspective about Him. He showed me my hidden agendas – the assumptions that I had made about Him; about how and when He would bless me, how my life as a christian would be, and how I had sought my plans more than Him. My plans had become my primary focus, instead of Him and I didn’t even realize it at the time.
I was sincere ( or trying to be) in my walk with God, but my stumbling block was that I had become so fixated on my ideas, which were not panning out, that I vainly chased my plans for years, until God opened my eyes and it dawned on me the sinful manner I had been living in. Once I understood where I had been going wrong, I repented of my idolatry and my focus and perspective changed. I realized that in the past, I had plenty of opportunities to be a godly example to others in difficult situations, but I had often walked away to find more comfortable situations for myself, which was selfish.
The Bible says in Matthew 5:16:
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father, which is in heaven.
My desire is to become more and more like Christ. My desire is to see people saved. I now see challenging situations that arise as an opportunity for me to be a blessing and a godly example to someone else, and an opportunity for my own spiritual growth and refinement. God is still at work on me and helping me in this area, and I praise Him for that. I desperately need His help!
This life is not about my imagined timeline of events. I am to live for God and I want Him to have His way in my life. May His perfect will be done in all areas of my life-that is what is important. I no longer have to stress over events I imagined would unfold in my life. As long as I am in His will, I am content living day-to-day.
- My joy comes from the fact that
I am a child of the King, and that is enough! My reason for being is to worship, serve and glorify God, and there is nothing more satisfying!
There is no greater honor than to serve Him, no greater gift than salvation.
Ecclesiastes 12: 13:14 says:
Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into
judgement, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.
This is what we should be doing – reverently living out our whole duty in a manner that’s pleasing to God.
I pray that all of my sisters (and brothers) in Christ recognize that although we do have a void, by design this void can be filled by Jesus Christ alone; not by people, places things, ideas or fantasies.
Jesus is the ultimate in our lives, and He alone can bring us true joy, true satisfaction, and true fulfillment that is completely independent of all of our other circumstances.
I’m not saying He won’t give us any of the desires we have; I’m saying that He alone is our Provider for all of our needs. We should simply make our requests known to God, have an attitude of gratitude for what He has already done, what He will do, and is doing in our lives, and entrust Him to fulfill His perfect will, in His timing in our lives.
No need to stress over it, fret over it or try to make things happen ourselves. Again, Jesus is the ultimate – He is our primary and sole real source of provision. He will take care of us!