My email is running again! But I did lose a few dozen emails I sent on my tablet. The ones on my computer, I was able to re-send last night to everyone. If you have not heard from me in the past 4 days – please shoot me another email. Thanks so much for your patience!
Deep Strength and Chad have given me permission to share their comments on the post earlier in the week about what is attractive and unattractive to Godly men. Ballista’s comments were on a post earlier last year. I think it is important for us as Christian women to hear the men’s point of view. I try to get a variety of men’s ideas, insights and perspectives for us to consider.
1. A WOMAN’S ANCHORED EMOTIONS ARE ATTRACTIVE TO A MAN
Men find it attractive when women are joyful, enthusiastic/passionate, kind, humble, etc. Much of these are fruits of the Spirit.
- Specifically, anchor your emotions to the joy and peace in Christ.
We’re not looking for any negativity from our potential spouses because we get enough of that at work, from the media, from society, and whatever else that constantly berates masculinity.
2. A WOMAN’S CRITICISM IS UNATTRACTIVE
Berating a man for his preferences, especially if it lines up with the Scriptures. A few months back, I had the distinct displeasure of getting involved with a Boundless conversation about chastity.
My point being that many so-called Christian women berate men for saying they desire a chaste woman (or other examples may include a youth and beauty or non-obese and women who exercise… really any topic) saying that it’s not “forgiving.” However, forgiving someone does not mean you have to marry them. Likewise, they would never tell a woman that if a man is an “reformed alcoholic” that he should be forgiven and that she should absolutely marry him! He should be embraced as a brother in Christ, but it would be a lack of discernment to dismiss the past to not be part in your decision making to pursue someone for marriage.
God created men to be attracted to be beauty and youth. When you get angry and upset at men being attracted to those characteristics and call it stupid and dumb, you are calling God stupid and dumb because that is how He created men. I would suggest not doing that.
3. MANY COMPONENTS OF FEMINISM ARE OFTEN UNATTRACTIVE TO MEN
A woman’s strong disdain and eschewment of all of the tenents of feminism is attractive to men. God is not about “equality” and “entitlement” but rather “roles” and “responsibilities” and women this type of mentality are not ones that seek after God. Christianity is incompatible with feminism.
4. A WOMAN’S WILLINGNESS TO BE LED INTO SITUATIONS THAT ARE UNCOMFORTABLE IS ATTRACTIVE TO A MAN
This is a big one. One of my biggest prayers over the past year to God is to put me in situations that are uncomfortable because that is when I am challenged and able to grow in Him. If you like being “comfortable” and are unwilling to step out in faith then I cannot lead you to grow in your relationship with God and myself. This is the ability to embrace change for God to help transform your life.
Also, this may help some women who read your blog on the 6 main things I’m looking for in a potential wife:
1. Evidence of a relationship with God
2. Evidence of cultivated godly femininity
3. Evidence of chastity in attitude and deed
4. Evidence of attraction/chemistry
5. Evidence of a willingness for family prioritization
6. Evidence of a willingness to be led
Basically, some things you can’t change (age, past, etc.)… but there’s a lot of things you can change that will make you a more attractive marriage prospect. The list above in this post is pretty mind boggling, but it’s definitely much easier once you categorize things down on a topical level.
“a willingness to follow his leadership (particularly the closer a relationship gets to marriage)”
“a deep desire to know God more, to find contentment in Him alone and to seek to joyfully live in total obedience to Him”
Personally, these two are the most important to me. I’d also add a general warmth and kindness to her personality that would encompass all of the personality traits you list.
To me, the rest of the list of the ‘attractive’ features, while true, are outward expressions of those three things –
- warmth of spirit
- willingness to follow
- adoration of God.
With those three things, as a man of God, I can lead her and work with her on the rest and to grow in Christ. I will fail at times, but I will always be striving for better.
Also, a note to the ladies, a willingness to follow leadership, and joy in doing so, is shown best at those times when you have plans you aren’t able to change and make it so you’re unable to spend time with us on a date, at a church, in prayer, etc. Apologizing while enthusiastically suggesting another day makes a great impression. Bonus points if baked goods are involved in the apology, showing through actions instead of just words while also going the whole, “the path to a man’s heart is through his stomach” route!
I second Deep Strengths comments. They’re in line with my own, but a bit more specific.
I’ll also say that the ways that women demonstrate these as individuals (through their own personalities, strengths, weaknesses, and relationship with God) that men pick up on the most easily are through their actions and an understanding of the spirit behind these concepts.
For the first, men are very, very aware of how our culture of ‘niceness’ and ‘politeness’ has infected a great deal of areas it does not belong. We are aware that many women are merely being nice and polite in their words when they agree with us, when they turn us down on an outing but say, “But maybe some other time!” or any other number of situations. We notice when you back those words with actions. I gave an example above, of Joyfully and enthusiastically offering other times to do something.
Other areas are studying God’s teachings in areas that matter to you as women. I know myself and the other men at my church notice when a woman is reading particular topics we had group discussions on. I notice when I go to check out a book from our parish library and see books on how to be a Catholic wife checked out to young women. We notice these things as individuals, and men that are close friends discuss such behavior, noting who backs up a desire with studies on nutrition, submission, and what the Lord has to say about family life.
If you want to stand out as a single woman serious about a family, show us.
On the second, let your warmth of personality, femininity, and love of God shine through in all your actions. I’ve seen women who can make practicing shooting pistols at a range feminine, and those that can make baking masculine. A general rule of thumb is to follow leadership and have compassion and nurturing instincts behind all you do. Taking instruction from a man on how you would be able to protect a future family is incredibly feminine, despite the act of shooting a gun involved. Its submitting to his authority and power as being best in that role, but his leadership and acknowledging you might be called by God to do so. Meanwhile, I’ve seen women not care about how their cooking comes off, how it’s accepted, and defiantly state that we should enjoy their baking/cooking simply because they made it. Their actions are selfish, defiant, masculine, and incredibly unattractive.
Men pick up on more than you think in terms of your motivations. Modern society tells you we’re blundering fools out of touch with the spiritual and emotional – which is a lie.