Some ladies are concerned about what it would be like to be married to a man who tends not to be very emotionally expressive and who doesn’t seem to be as “exciting” as some men are. (Here I am talking about the kind of “exciting” that you might find in a chick flick or a romance novel or about being infatuated with a very magnetic, charming, verbal, romantic-seeming man. I don’t know that this is the kind of “exciting” that the woman who asked the question was writing. It is possible that this is not what she was talking about. I would have a different answer – depending on what definition a woman had when she asked this kind of question.)
I personally believe that these kinds of men can make the best husbands. But, I do admit – I am biased toward emotionally stable, steady, calm, responsible, hard-working men. I am happy to share my perspective on this issue. 🙂
LIFE MAY BE RATHER ROUTINE (of course, once you have children, that will be the case, even if a couple likes to do lots of spontaneous, fun things or travel a lot. Those kinds of things become much harder to work around with work schedules, nap schedules, and school schedules and early bedtimes.)
We have a pretty set schedule at our house. I help get the kids ready for school in the mornings. I make everyone’s lunches. Greg takes them to school. He goes to work. Right now, I usually only work 1.5 or 2.5 days per week in the pharmacy. During the day, I work on chores, my book, blogs, and shopping, as well as anything Greg might ask me to do.
I pick up the kids from school. I try to have supper ready when Greg gets home around 5:30. We all give him a big welcome home. Then we all eat together as a family at the dining room table and talk about our days and anything that anyone wants to talk about. I have the children do the dishes.
At our house, Greg often likes to just relax in the evenings and watch TV and play puzzle games on his tablet. Sometimes, we will all play ball together – either with a few small balls inside or with some larger balls outside (Greg played football in high school and has much better hand-eye coordination than any of the rest of us!). Sometimes, we will have a family TV night and watch a science show together and talk about the show as we watch. Greg also helps our son with his homework if he needs help. Last year, that often meant 3-4 hours per night. This year, thankfully, the homework load is much lighter. I help our daughter with her homework if she needs help. I do some chores. I may sit with the kids for awhile. Then I get the children ready for bed. I read with our daughter and tuck her in and pray with her. Our son is old enough that he puts himself to bed now. But I like to pray with him, too.
Then, I get ready for bed and cuddle with Greg while he watches TV. Often, he is open to conversation if there is anything I want to talk about – now that he feels safe with me again. He is open to me being affectionate and talkative. But, I don’t talk nearly as much as I used to earlier in our marriage. Back then, I tried to talk all the time. Now, I understand that Greg appreciates some down time. Sometimes, I will read beside him. Or just cuddle quietly with him. We have great conversations many nights. He is still not super verbal about deep emotional things, and I understand and accept that. I make sure not to go on and on for too long, respecting that he has a different personality from mine and that he has limits about certain topics much sooner than I do.
I try to not talk on the phone much once Greg and the children are home, so that I am not distracted from being with them. But, each couple has their own way of handling the details.
Sometimes we try to get together with family or friends on Saturday afternoons or evenings, or go to the theater. Sometimes we will go on a short day trip. If Greg is tied up with football games, sometimes I take the kids to the zoo or the park or a playground. Or, we may just stay home and have one of our son’s friends over.
On Sundays, we go to church in the morning and in the evening. In the afternoons, Greg likes for me to rest and cuddle with him and not work on the computer.
In our case, Greg does like to go do things as a family. He likes to take us on vacations 1-2 times per year if possible. He likes to take us on day trips occasionally. We like to try to go to new places that we can all explore together. We like science museums, historical places, hiking, nature trails, the mountains, the beach, working farms… things like that. Of course, we are limited by budget and schedules now in ways that we were not as limited before we had children. That is totally fine. Greg often plans trips and finds great deals on them. I offer suggestions about things I think would be fun. Then he researches things and gets back with me about them. During football season! I work our schedule around the games that are important to Greg.
VERY LITTLE EXCITEMENT/DRAMA
Greg doesn’t cause drama. If there is any drama, it is generally from my side of the relationship or from the kids. Greg always loves me the same. I didn’t understand that earlier in our marriage. I expected him to verbalize his love for me a lot and give me tons of compliments. That is just not his personality. But, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. He loves me deeply and consistently. And he DOES things to show me his love. Like, he changes my car lights when they go out. And he fixes things around the house when they break. He gets things for me at the flea market if I ask for anything. He helps me with the kids if I ask for help. He works to provide for our family. He allows me to work part time – which is a huge blessing to me, and, I believe, to all of us. Greg keeps all of the electronics working in the house. He fixes any electrical, carpentry, or plumbing issues. He is one talented guy! I’m so proud of him.
Greg is dependable, faithful, reliable, trustworthy, responsible, careful with money, and loyal. I don’t ever have to wonder if he is flirting with anyone. I don’t worry about him with female coworkers. He is friendly. But he is not flirtatious or inappropriate with other women. He doesn’t get involved with women online. I always know that I can trust him. That is a blessing beyond measure.
Greg is more comfortable being in the background in groups of people. He prefers not being the center of attention and has a more introverted personality – being recharged by being alone instead of with a lot of people. He talks a good bit if he is in a small group of friends where he is comfortable. 🙂 He doesn’t like a big to-d0 for his birthday. He prefers just going out to eat with our family.
Mostly, we are just with each other at home. We try not to over schedule our children or ourselves. We try to keep things calm. We used to go out with friends sometimes before we had children. After our children started going to school and having to go to bed earlier, and when Greg began many years of renovations on the old house we bought – going out with friends just didn’t happen much.
I love our life together. To me, it is perfect. Earlier in our marriage, I can remember wanting more excitement. But, now, I appreciate that excitement isn’t always a good thing – again, it depends on the definition you use. I actually prefer the way we live and am so thankful for Greg and his personality now.
EVERY MARRIAGE IS UNIQUE
Each marriage has its own stages, phases, and cycles. Things are different when there are no children. And young children present very different challenges than older children. So, things will always change and evolve. Being a godly wife requires great flexibility. Thankfully, God can empower and equip us to be able to do that well.
I hope that this might be helpful. Maybe some other wives would be willing to share what their experience being married to an emotionally stable, calm, hard-working man is like for them. And, maybe some would like to share what it is like being married to men who are more fun and exciting? And, maybe we could have a discussion about our definitions of “fun and exciting” vs. “boring.” That would be a fantastic topic, all in itself!
Much love to each of you! 🙂