I believe that people who are going to marry each other shouldn’t have secrets. It is infinitely better to get everything out in the open before marriage so each person can make an informed decision and commitment than to hide things and then your spouse finds them out later.
When that happens, the feeling of betrayal is massive. It can be very difficult for a couple to rebuild trust if important things were hidden before marriage.
Before You Marry Someone…
You Both Deserve to Know Things about Each Other Like:
- Have you had sex before?
- Do you have any STD’s?
- Do you have any hangups about sex in marriage? Do you believe sex in marriage is “dirty” or “wrong”?
- Do have a total lack of libido?
- Do you have a sex addiction or porn addiction?
- Have you been married before?
- Do you have any children already?
Concerns Relating to Future Children
- Do you have any genetic issues you are aware of that could affect your children?
- Do you know any reason medically why you may not be able to have children?
- What do you expect to happen if/when you have children? Do you plan for you both to work or for the wife to stay home?
- How many children do you want to have?
- Are you afraid or nervous to have children? If so, why?
- Do you plan to use birth control? Do you have moral objections to certain kinds of birth control or abortion?
- Have you experienced any sexual abuse in the past?
- Have you experienced spiritual abuse in the past?
- Have you experienced emotional/verbal abuse in the past?
- Have you gotten in trouble with the law before?
- Do you have any debt? What is your plan to take care of it if you do?
- Do you have any addictions? If not now, have you had any in the past?
- Do you have any mental health illnesses?
- Do you have any chronic medical conditions?
- Have you had surgery before?
- Do you have any allergies to foods, environmental allergens, or medications?
- Is there anyone trying to harm you (like a previous ex or coworker)?
- How many people have you dated in the past? Is there anything important your future spouse should know?
- Do you have any dealings with the occult or anything that may cause your potential spouse pause or concern?
- Do you have any learning disabilities?
- Do you have any biases or prejudices against the opposite sex or any ethnic group?
- Are you bitter toward anyone?
- Are you able to drive? If not, will that be a major problem?
- Is there any reason you won’t be able to work and get a job?
- Are you responsible with money?
- What chores and responsibilities do you plan to handle in the marriage?
- What type of income do you earn? What kind of income do you expect to earn in the future? What is your career plan?
- What are your spiritual beliefs?
- What do you believe about divorce?
- Who do you most admire spiritually?
- What do you want most in your walk with Christ?
- Are you genuinely a believer in Christ?
- Do you believe the Bible is the only source of absolute truth?
- Do you believe in Creationism?
- Do you believe the Old Testament is historical fact?
- Do you believe you are accountable to God for everything you think, say, and do?
- Do you intend to live your life for Jesus as Lord?
- Is there anything or anyone more important to you than God?
- Will we pray out loud together?
- What church will we attend?
- How much will we give to charities or to church?
- What are your political beliefs?
- What are your expectations going into marriage?
- Are you willing to be completely transparent with your cell phone and internet use?
- Are you willing to give up all close friendships with the opposite sex in order to honor your marriage covenant?
- Is there anyone you have contact with who makes your future spouse uneasy?
- What place will your parents have in your future marriage?
- What system will you use to manage your money? Will you have one bank account or two? Who will pay the bills?
- How do you plan to handle conflict?
- What will you do if the two of you can’t agree on a major decision?
- Will you go to counseling to help prepare you to have the tools you will need for marriage?
- Will you have a godly mentoring couple you will be accountable to?
- How did each of your parents handle finances, cooking, chores, and child-rearing?
- Who was in charge in each of your parents’ marriages?
- How did your parents handle conflict?
- How will we handle trials and difficult times and illness? What is our plan to deal with adversity?
- What is your general personality? What are your strengths and weaknesses?
- How clean and organized do you like your home to be?
- What are your biggest pet peeves?
- How do you respond when things don’t go the way you planned?
These are just a few of the questions you’ll want to both be clear on before committing to marriage.
If you need more resources, please let me know. <3