A bit about me – my purpose is to fulfill Titus 2:3-5.
- Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
I do not teach men. I only write for women. I write about the things I WISH I had understood before I got married in 1994. My primary purpose here and on www.peacefulwife.com is to teach women to live for Christ wholeheartedly, to teach about godly femininity and to prepare women for godly marriage/relationships with believing men. My husband has a blog for husbands at www.respectedhusband.wordpress.com
** I am always going to assume that you are dating a godly man who sincerely lives for Christ and desires to obey Him and honor Him. I am also always going to assume that you want to sincerely live for Christ, obey and honor Him. If you are dating a guy who does not put Christ first and does not have real fruit of God in his life, he just says he is a Christian – it is time to do a lot of serious praying and seeking God’s face and His will. Please choose to seek and obey God in all things. Nothing is more important than that!
What disrespect means to a man can vary a bit among different individual men. But here are some general ideas:
- telling him what to do/how to do it/when to do it
- having a critical spirit and constantly putting him down with criticism
- acting holier-than-thou, thinking you are better than he is, more spiritual, etc.
- jumping in to help if he didn’t ask you for help – he probably likes to do things on his own unless he asks specifically for help
- asking “why?” ”Why would you do it THAT way?” (implies you think he is incompetent or stupid)
- putting him down in front of other people, or behind his back
- joking at his expense
- complaining about something he spent time and effort doing for you
- demanding he do something
- body language like rolling your eyes, sighing, huffing, hands on hips, fingers tapping, throwing your hands up in the air – like you think he is an idiot
- using an “angry mother” tone of voice
- scolding him
- verbally attacking him
- mothering him as if he cannot make his own decisions properly
- not dropping an issue – continuing to pressure him and push him and not letting something go that he doesn’t want to talk about right then
- expecting him to talk RIGHT NOW about some very important issue (some men need a bit of time to think before they are ready to talk or need a bit of notice before an important discussion)
- bringing up past sins of his that you had forgiven already
- comparing him to other men
- flirting with other men
- thinking that your “feeling loved” is more important than his “feeling respected”
- thinking that you are “always right” and he is “always wrong”
- yelling, throwing things, cussing, hitting (this stuff is EXTREME disrespect – please, do NOT go there!)
- labeling his weaknesses and sins as much worse than yours – thinking you are morally superior to him
- making a really small issue more important than the relationship
- correcting him
- taking over and trying to force him to do things
- texting/calling him constantly (that can be very smothering)
- interrogating him
- acting suspicious and spying on him
- assuming the worst about him
- caring only about your feelings and not about what is important to him and how he feels
- seeing him only as something to be used instead of a real person with real feelings to be loved and admired
- putting him before God in your heart (idolizing him) – expecting him to be responsible for your happiness instead of being responsible for your own happiness and finding all your contentment in Christ, expecting him to meet needs in your heart that only God can meet
- trying to change him
- acting like being a guy is wrong, as if men should be just like women
- answering for him
- not listening to him and REALLY stopping to hear his heart
- taking over his life and trying to control him
- trying to “help” him in his relationships with other people because you don’t think he can handle his own relationships
- apologizing and then saying, “BUT if you had done X…” (that negated the apology!)
- being a black hole of unending neediness and insecurity (expecting him to meet the deepest needs of your soul rather than Christ)
- acting like he is incompetent, incapable, irresponsible, etc.
PS – a lot of this applies to how we ought to treat everyone. Time to overcome the famine of respect in our culture!!!
Here’s a little secret about men, ladies!
They don’t do a lot of wonderful things for people when they feel disrespected by them. If a man is feeling disrespected, he is not going to care about your feelings very much – or about what you want. If you want him to care about your feelings, treat him with respect and care about his feelings.
Men’s needs are important, too!!
Let’s focus on becoming the Christlike, Spirit-filled, godly women of character that God desires US to be! I pray we will be a blessing to all of our brothers and sisters in Christ in the way we treat others.
AS WE UNDERSTAND MASCULINITY – WE UNDERSTAND MORE OF GOD’S HEART
God also desires us to respect Him – to reverence Him. More than that, we are to fear Him and tremble in His presence. We so easily disrespect God and don’t even realize it. I think it is fascinating that many of the things that are disrespectful to men, are the same things that are disrespectful to God. As we learn about this world of masculine respect, we also get a peek into God’s character and heart. Clearly men are not deity. They are sinful humans just like we all are. Not everything is completely transferable – but I think there are some important things to consider here. As we study godly masculinity, we get such an amazing glimpse of God, Himself!
WHAT IS DISRESPECTFUL TO GOD?
- telling Him what to do, making demands
- trying to control Him
- putting ourselves in His place and trying to take over His position
- trying to change Him and make Him be what we want Him to be
- assuming He is just like us
- treating Him with flippant familiarity
- not having proper trembling/fear for His power and strength
- not appreciating His wisdom
- not listening to His Words
- acting like He is incapable, incompetent, small, powerless and wimpy
- undermining His authority
- having no faith in Him
- not trusting Him
- being unfaithful to Him
- maligning His Name by our ungodly living or the way we talk about Him to others
- speaking poorly about Him
- pride – thinking we are right or we know better than He does
- trampling the covenant He has made with us by His blood when we put our trust in other things/people instead of Christ
- acting like we are better than God