Whether you are feeling deprived of friendship, attention, love, compliments, connection, romance, attraction, affection, marriage, children, or anything else – I believe there are some steps godly women can take to move forward in a productive direction.* The power to overcome our needs/desires not being met is in our thought lives.
With our thoughts, we have two primary choices.
1. We can focus on how unfulfilled, how deprived, how upset, how victimized, and how empty we are in our current circumstances. We can focus on what we don’t have at the moment. We can blame other people and expect them to fix the problem and change to meet our needs. We can nurture, water, and feed our bitterness and resentment and dwell on how much others have failed us. We can lash out at other people, try to control them, and make demands. Or we can sink into depression and self-pity.
2. We can focus on Christ and how in Him, we possess every spiritual blessing from heaven (Ephesians 1:3). We can focus on all that we do have. We can take up our cross daily, dying to Self and to our own will, following Jesus and finding true, abundant Life in Him. We can choose to see that He is more than sufficient to meet our needs. We can choose to starve sinful thoughts and nurture, water, and feed our faith in Christ, our love for Christ, and our desire to bless and love others with God’s love.
Each of these paths has a very different outcome – death or life.
We do have legitimate needs and desires. It is important for us to respectfully share our feelings, needs, goals, desires, concerns, and perspectives with others. But if other people cannot or will not meet our needs or do what we believe is best – then where does that leave us? Are we going to try to force others to do what we want? Or will we respect their God-given free will and choose to turn to God in faith and trust Him with our needs and desires?
Sometimes there will be trials and times of testing in our Christian faith. God gives us tests to help us see where we are weak in our faith, to bring sin to the surface of our lives as He refines us, and so that sin can be skimmed off. He uses tests, trials, and suffering to cause us to grow in spiritual maturity to completion (verses about suffering).
Sometimes that painful time of feeling rejected, abandoned, or alone will be the very thing that God will use to draw us to Himself in ways we have never experienced before. Sometimes He will help us see that no human can meet our deepest spiritual and emotional needs. Only God can do that! If we are willing, God will use the pain in our lives to chisel and shape us, to teach us treasures and wonderful things about Himself, and to grow and prune us.
How we respond is the key.
Instead of meditating on awful things, sad things, or upset feelings all day long – let’s focus on Philippians 4:8 things:
- God has good intentions toward me even if others do not.
- God is sovereign over my life, and over this frustrating, painful situation. What might God desire to do that is good through this? What might He have for me to learn?
- I have needs and desires that I would like to be met. It is okay and good for me to have needs and desires. But I can lay these things down on the altar before Christ and trust Him with them. I don’t have to freak out. If He wants me to have my desires and needs met, He will provide a way for this to happen that brings honor to Himself. If my needs are not met right now in the ways that I want them to be, I will use this experience to practice living for God’s will far above my own. “Not my will but Yours be done, Lord!”
- I have so many blessings from God – I’m going to start a list of all of the things God has done for me and meditate on being thankful for each of these blessings.
- If others do not meet my needs – I will be okay. If I have Jesus, I have everything that matters! If I only have Him, His Spirit, and His Word, I have the greatest Treasures of the universe.
I will find all of my personhood, worth, acceptance, love, peace, security, safety, hope, faith, joy, strength, and contentment in Christ alone – no matter what anyone else does or does not do. My hope is ultimately in Christ Jesus alone, not in a person. People may fail me at times, but God never will fail me or forsake me! Jesus is my Rock, my Strong Tower, my Refuge, my Mighty Fortress, my Comforter, my Great Physician, and my Prince of Peace. He has made me right with God. I give all of myself to Him and He gives me all of Himself in return! I am a daughter of the King of kings and Lord of lords. I have all of the spiritual treasures of heaven at my disposal to accomplish God’s will. I am not deprived at all. I possess all of the promises of God’s Word, all of His love, all of His support, all of His power, care, and provision. My God can change my circumstances, but even if He does not, I will trust in Him completely!
God’s greatest priorities for me are the two greatest commandments (Matthew 22:36-40):
1. Love Him with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength – seeking to please Him above all else, knowing I will answer to Him alone.
2. Love others with God’s love and seek to bless them with no strings attached.
How might God desire to use me for His kingdom in this situation? How might God desire to do miracles? How might God want me to pray? How might He want me to serve? How might He want me to bring great honor and glory to His Name in this test – this opportunity to showcase the love, power, wisdom, and majesty of Christ?
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:4-8
* (I am not talking about severe cases where there is abuse going on against a woman – in such a situation, please seek help and get somewhere safe immediately!)