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Have you heard these questions voiced by your friends, by yourself, or by other women you know?

  • Men just need to “man up,” lead and be like Christ.
  • Men need to “grow up.”

It is easy to shake our heads at the men around us these days and say, “Where are all the good men?” There is absolutely a shortage of strong, godly Christian men. Just like there is absolutely a shortage of strong, godly, Christian women.

It is easy to ask why the men “aren’t leading properly” in our churches and why they aren’t being the godly men Christ calls them to be.

It’s easy to think, “if only the men would be more Christlike,” things would be better for us as women. We would have more godly men to choose from. And that is true, things would be better for everyone in the Body if our brothers were healthy spiritually in many ways. Of course, things would be better for everyone in the Body of Christ if we as Christian women were spiritually vibrant and healthy and godly, too! We are all hurt when any of us are weak and hurting and we are all stronger when any of us are healing, whole and stronger in Christ.

Maybe there are reasons why our brothers are not doing very well spiritually, just like there are a lot of reasons today why many of our sisters in Christ aren’t doing well spiritually.


FROM A SINGLE CHRISTIAN BROTHER, JASON (who leads a singles’ group in his church, The Salvation Army):

In my church we have several women (younger / older….married and single) telling me “Brother Jason, you have to get the men to ‘man-up’ and ‘step up’ they (the men) are not doing anything. They are supposed to be leaders, and all we see you doing, brother, is teaching them how to pray!

There was a time, when I probably would have sarcastically answered them. Or laughed it off….but I answered THIS way a few weeks back, and they were astonished…..and didn’t say anything……and actually…it broke some of their own personal hurt and defensiveness down. I know it did, because I could FEEL the Christ-like results.

I said “Sister, so many of these men don’t know how to lead. They are new to Christ. They have a TON of personal hurts themselves. Look around in our (Salvation Army) Corps. Who are the men in the soldier uniforms who have made that step to serve Christ and don a uniform in His army? Yeah, not too many. Sister, we men need to be prayed for. The men need to know that they have women, their wives, their girlfriends praying for them. They have someone who is helping them, who has their back! Praying for them to BE that man that God calls them to be! To open their hearts to being taught. To hear Christ’s call when He says ‘Come! Follow me!’ (to everlasting life, to redemption, to love, to be held by Him).

Sister, I am teaching the men HOW to pray, and to not be ashamed of it; because before ANY change, revival, or stepping up is done…….prayer, prayer….and more prayer is needed! Sister PRAY for the men. Pray for them to be filled. Pray for them to lead. Pray for your own can discernment to be that HELPER to grow the man in your life, or the one(s) you just plain admire here.”

I said it with love, and with a genuine smile.

And a few days later, I knew these women were praying for me. I could feel it! Isn’t Christ wonderful? Isn’t the Body WORTH serving, when we all just humble ourselves before the Cross?

Anyway…..prayer is good…but HOW and WHAT is being prayed for are VERY important!


It is not only women who have been impacted by our ungodly culture, even in the church and in our families. Men have, too. They have heard the constant stream of disrespect for men in the media. They have heard the derogatory remarks their own mothers made against their fathers and against men in general. Many of them have experienced very painful rejections from numerous women who profess Christ. Some of them have never felt truly loved by anyone in their lives. They may not even know how to love.They have heard all their lives that women are “the same as men” or “spiritually superior to men” and some of them  have been reprimanded sharply for attempting to be gentlemanly, to treat women as something special, or to lead.

Many boys grew up without a dad or with an absent dad or with a dominant, controlling mother. Many men today have never witnessed a man exercise headship over their wives or families in a godly way. Ever. Godliness and being a godly man is something that must be learned over time by example. This is what discipleship is supposed to be all about. We are supposed to have godly examples in our parents, in the church, in our communities. But, just like many of us as women had no godly examples (or poor examples), many of our brothers in Christ have had no godly examples either.

When our brothers hear phrases like, “men just need to man up,” “men need to grow up,” or “men just need to step up,” – I don’t think we as women realize how damaging these things are to them. What if, instead of criticizing them, we begin to seriously pray for our brothers in Christ? What if we begin to encourage them to become the men God desires them to be and praise them for what they do right? What if we speak life and healing to them?

How I long to see us become the strong, spiritually healthy, vibrant women of God that God desires us to be. I long to see us bless our brothers and seek to support them as they seek healing in Christ, as well. I love the things that this brother in the Lord suggests for women to pray for our brothers in Christ.

If you feel led to share a prayer for our brothers, you are most welcome to. 🙂



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